"It's not personal, it's business." ~ Donald Trump
At this stage in my life, I think I know who I am, what my values are and how I want to live. But I am struggling today with a situation that I can't quite resolve in my mind.
I'm an interior designer, self employed, and am quite fortunate to have a good solid client base. Some of my clients have been with me through several houses, a couple of marriages, a few jobs and all kinds of life changes... one is a client for eighteen years now and counting.
I'm an interior designer, self employed, and am quite fortunate to have a good solid client base. Some of my clients have been with me through several houses, a couple of marriages, a few jobs and all kinds of life changes... one is a client for eighteen years now and counting.
Sometimes there seems to be a fine line between "business" and "personal" however. And I struggle to keep my business mindset when it feels so much more personal.
About a year and a half ago a new client found me, through her daughter. For the sake of her anonymity, I'll call her Sophia. From our very first meeting, I knew she'd be high maintenance. And the first thing she did was ask for a special discount on my hourly rate. My rate is my rate, and all my other clients pay it without blinking an eye. It's a fair rate, mid-range. Do we play "let's make a deal" when we go to the grocery store or to the doctor? No, but this is how Sophia does business.
About a year and a half ago a new client found me, through her daughter. For the sake of her anonymity, I'll call her Sophia. From our very first meeting, I knew she'd be high maintenance. And the first thing she did was ask for a special discount on my hourly rate. My rate is my rate, and all my other clients pay it without blinking an eye. It's a fair rate, mid-range. Do we play "let's make a deal" when we go to the grocery store or to the doctor? No, but this is how Sophia does business.
In all my years in this business, I've never had a client like Sophia. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself, but this woman makes my head spin, causes me to bolt awake in the middle of the night, and has managed to leave me dreading every phone call.
She calls me almost daily with a design question, with panic in her voice, with apologies up and down for bothering me once again, but she doesn't know what to do and it's something that cannot wait until our next meeting. These calls go on and on, often half an hour or longer. She borders on hysteria at times. She's cried, she's ranted, she's moaned and groaned. I am polite, professional, tell her I have only a few minutes, but she can't seem to stay on the subject or keep calm.
She's placed a few orders with me, for custom window treatments and an area rug. I've done floral arrangements for her. I've given her ideas galore. She does not trust her decisions, always thinks she's being cheated, insists on bargaining to get the lowest possible price. She worries and frets over every little detail. She hems and haws, goes back and forth, complains constantly about the poor quality and workmanship in everything these days, moans that she's always getting ripped off, says people don't return her calls, cries about the rising cost of everything, gripes about terrible service she gets everywhere she goes, goes over everything twenty times and still can't make up her mind, obsesses about every fiber content, every color, every penny, endlessly. Every time, bar none.
After an extended tirade, she will meekly tell me how I'm different, that there's no one like me, that I'm so patient, so talented, so nice to work with. Normally a compliment gives us a boost, makes us feel good about what we do. But inwardly I sigh deeply, it takes every ounce of energy I can muster to deal with these things. I don't feel proud of what I'm thinking at that moment... how I'd love to tell her, "Sophia, you're impatient, needy, unreasonable, demanding, impossible and a nightmare to work with!" Isn't that horrible?
Ten minutes with Sophia feels like ten hours. It is physically taxing, mentally exhausting, emotionally unsettling. It wears down everything in me, down to the very marrow in my bones, piercing every brain cell, gnawing at every nerve ending. And when I leave (or hang up) I feel as if I can't deal with another person, project or thought for the rest of the day. Total burn out.
I know I have to end this. At this point I am losing money and my very soul to keep her. We can't seem to ever finish anything, she keeps finding flaws, needing more and more service, "this isn't straight, this isn't right". Come back out and adjust this, do that.
Deep down, I know this woman has deep seated psychological issues and perhaps a spiritual void, for nothing makes her happy. Nothing. She is never satisfied, always miserable. She's truly ill, mentally. She's lonely, having driven everyone away, personal and professional. She's created a toxic environment for herself and doesn't seem to realize it. Everyone and everything else is to blame. She is one of the saddest, unhappiest, neediest, most desperate people I've ever known. And therein I find my conflict.
My spiritual belief is that all of us are created in God's image. Somewhere, someplace, it's there to be found and revered. We share in the responsibility to nurture and care for others, especially those in need. We're taught to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, care for the sick. Isn't Sophia starving for patience, attention and nurturing? Isn't she naked without the comforting warmth of self love and the love of others? Isn't she suffering with an illness of head and heart? Isn't she blind to all that's beautiful and good around her?
What am I supposed to do? What's the "right" thing to do? Will she learn anything from losing me, or will it only feed and reinforce her beliefs that no one can be trusted.
I know when she goes off on one of her tantrums that it's really not about me, it goes much deeper, a response to something deeper, something that's festered all her life. Sometimes I want to strangle her, other times I want to just hold her awhile and see if she can find a moment's comfort.
I leave there with my head askew, the ugliest parts of me rearing, bucking, growing horns. I may as well hold a pitchfork in my hand. Where's the lesson in this? What's the best way to solve this situation? I know I can't continue this way anymore.
How I long to hear the words from her....
"You're FIRED!"
She calls me almost daily with a design question, with panic in her voice, with apologies up and down for bothering me once again, but she doesn't know what to do and it's something that cannot wait until our next meeting. These calls go on and on, often half an hour or longer. She borders on hysteria at times. She's cried, she's ranted, she's moaned and groaned. I am polite, professional, tell her I have only a few minutes, but she can't seem to stay on the subject or keep calm.
She's placed a few orders with me, for custom window treatments and an area rug. I've done floral arrangements for her. I've given her ideas galore. She does not trust her decisions, always thinks she's being cheated, insists on bargaining to get the lowest possible price. She worries and frets over every little detail. She hems and haws, goes back and forth, complains constantly about the poor quality and workmanship in everything these days, moans that she's always getting ripped off, says people don't return her calls, cries about the rising cost of everything, gripes about terrible service she gets everywhere she goes, goes over everything twenty times and still can't make up her mind, obsesses about every fiber content, every color, every penny, endlessly. Every time, bar none.
After an extended tirade, she will meekly tell me how I'm different, that there's no one like me, that I'm so patient, so talented, so nice to work with. Normally a compliment gives us a boost, makes us feel good about what we do. But inwardly I sigh deeply, it takes every ounce of energy I can muster to deal with these things. I don't feel proud of what I'm thinking at that moment... how I'd love to tell her, "Sophia, you're impatient, needy, unreasonable, demanding, impossible and a nightmare to work with!" Isn't that horrible?
Ten minutes with Sophia feels like ten hours. It is physically taxing, mentally exhausting, emotionally unsettling. It wears down everything in me, down to the very marrow in my bones, piercing every brain cell, gnawing at every nerve ending. And when I leave (or hang up) I feel as if I can't deal with another person, project or thought for the rest of the day. Total burn out.
I know I have to end this. At this point I am losing money and my very soul to keep her. We can't seem to ever finish anything, she keeps finding flaws, needing more and more service, "this isn't straight, this isn't right". Come back out and adjust this, do that.
Deep down, I know this woman has deep seated psychological issues and perhaps a spiritual void, for nothing makes her happy. Nothing. She is never satisfied, always miserable. She's truly ill, mentally. She's lonely, having driven everyone away, personal and professional. She's created a toxic environment for herself and doesn't seem to realize it. Everyone and everything else is to blame. She is one of the saddest, unhappiest, neediest, most desperate people I've ever known. And therein I find my conflict.
My spiritual belief is that all of us are created in God's image. Somewhere, someplace, it's there to be found and revered. We share in the responsibility to nurture and care for others, especially those in need. We're taught to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, care for the sick. Isn't Sophia starving for patience, attention and nurturing? Isn't she naked without the comforting warmth of self love and the love of others? Isn't she suffering with an illness of head and heart? Isn't she blind to all that's beautiful and good around her?
What am I supposed to do? What's the "right" thing to do? Will she learn anything from losing me, or will it only feed and reinforce her beliefs that no one can be trusted.
I know when she goes off on one of her tantrums that it's really not about me, it goes much deeper, a response to something deeper, something that's festered all her life. Sometimes I want to strangle her, other times I want to just hold her awhile and see if she can find a moment's comfort.
I leave there with my head askew, the ugliest parts of me rearing, bucking, growing horns. I may as well hold a pitchfork in my hand. Where's the lesson in this? What's the best way to solve this situation? I know I can't continue this way anymore.
How I long to hear the words from her....
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