My encounter with a palmist...

In June of 2000 I accompanied my daughters on a trip to New Orleans. On Royal Street, a few blocks from Bourbon Street, Stephanie and I stumbled upon an enchanting courtyard. Tucked in the back was a sign on a door that read "Palmist". Neither of us were into the occult or ever had a palm reading. You could say we were skeptics. But New Orleans had put us in another more adventurous frame of mind. We decided to inquire.

We met

Colo Milling, a respectable, scholarly-looking middle-aged man who seemed more like a college professor than a palm reader. I'm not sure what we were expecting, but there was nothing kooky about him, and when he spoke he was very articulate and sincere. He explained that what he did was a science, he was not a fortune teller and not involved in the occult. New Orleans is home to all kinds of fortune tellers, tarot readers and voodoo practitioners, but he made it clear he was not part of that.

Mr. Milling explained that the lines on our hands are electrical diagrams of the two hemispheres of the brain. The shapes and lines are the living picture of the forces that make each of us who we are. It's an ancient science, but also an art.

It made sense, so we decided to have him analyze our palms. Steff went first. She seemed a little wide eyed when she emerged, but she was smiling. It was my turn.

The next hour was extraordinary. The room was comfortable, well lit, with beautiful art work on the walls and a library of books. I wish that I had recorded our session when he offered. It was remarkable to hear a complete stranger describe in such detail the most complex aspects of my personality, and he did so with amazing accuracy. It was as if he could see deep inside my head, my life experiences, my heart and my spirit. When I left, I too, was wide-eyed. I looked at Stephanie, our eyes meeting in a silent "wow" of mutual awe. We discussed a little bit of what he had said, but mostly we were quiet for a long time... lost in thought. I wanted to be alone to digest it all, to write it all down. And I did, that night...

Here is a brief summary of what Colo Milling told me:

"You are inventive, it's one of your most prominent qualities and it's unusual to be so strong in a woman."

"You are an "old soul", re-incarnated many, many times and spiritually evolved."

"In prior lives you worked through most worldly issues, like fame, money and sex, with a positive outcome. Now what remains is the inner work. Your outer work is done."

"You are humorous, you have good timing."

"In relationships you grow to love slowly, and you test your partner for patience and stability, but you do commit and stay committed."

"Men enjoy how you love them."

"You get angry twice. First your anger flares, then you get over it. But then you start to think about it some more and get angry again. That's when you can let it go. You'll discuss your anger several times, even after it passes, to make a point."

"You've already taught your children the most important things you were sent to teach them."

"You need to become more selfish, meaning you need to be more true to yourself. Think of yourself as an actor in a play. 50% of your performance is your own role, but the other 50% is responding to the other roles. You've not spent enough time developing your own role. You've responded too much to others."

"You are a soft person, you cannot bear the hard, sharp edges of life."

"You have a tendency to worry, especially at the beginning, but it does not hinder your success."

"You have an active nervous system, producing high electricity, even at rest. It never shuts down, you're always analyzing, thinking and processing."

"Think back to when you were 9-14 years old. What did you discover about yourself at that age? Return to that focus now. Your life has become too worldly and it's taken you away from your focus. Be more selfish, do more inner work. Remember, the outer is done."

"You are capable of producing a successful invention."

"You are not a good subject for hypnosis."

"You could attain fame, but you don't seek it. You are still highly respected and admired."

Interesting, isn't it. Ages 9-14 were pivotal for me, really defining years. He hit the nail on the head when it comes to how I deal with anger. I've been working on a book of designs that I plan to eventually publish, is that the successful invention he spoke of? Although things like reincarnation are not significant to me in the way my faith works, I find such concepts useful. Stephanie's consultation was entirely different but equally impressive.

Given our experience I would certainly give Colo Milling's hand analysis a strong recommendation. I would honestly say that his words did come into play when I had some decisions to make in my life in the years that followed. It was invaluable insight he provided. And it resulted in strong decisions on my part, with good outcomes.

A quote from his web site....

"God seals up in the hand of every man so that all may know his work" Job 37:7

And, should anyone be interested... Colo Milling does "long distance" readings if you're able to get a good xerox of your palms, right and left.

The hand of God...

In blogging I sometimes speak of "the hand of God" present during certain chapters of life. Recently I heard someone dismiss this concept as "superstitious" thinking.

Surely it all comes down to how we understand "God". If we believe in a higher power, is it arrogant to think we can attempt to define it? (Can the created define the creator?) Yet hasn't each civilization attempted to do so? Raised Catholic, it's easiest for me to use Christian terminology in describing matters of faith. But maybe terminology doesn't matter, that God transcends language, time, place and religious verbiage.

When I was very little I talked to God. It was as if I was born knowing Him. I wasn't afraid, and it didn't feel the least big strange. I thought everyone shared this kind of familiarity, but I learned otherwise as I grew older. As my grasp of the world grew, as I gained more life experience, so did my understanding of the divine grow. I studied other religions and fine tuned my beliefs.

I've developed a very loving, gentle, forgiving concept of the divine power. He (or "She" if you prefer) is so much more to me than "creator". I feel like little girl, reaching for the hand of Someone much stronger, wiser, bigger than I am. It's a matter of trusting in that Someone, as I toddle along through life, to help me choose wisely and become the best I can be. That hand might let go now and then when I test my own strength, but it is always there to guide me. After all, spiritually I am a child, so much growing still to be done, so much maturing left to do. Steve calls me a "feral child"... and he's right that there is a wild, reckless, irreverent (artistic?) part of me. Like a child I can be very self-centered and frightened. It's reassuring to know there is a Love that is perfect, there for me always, and to know I am never alone. It sounds simplistic, but one verse sums it up best... "God is Love."

It saddens me to think there are darker views of "the hand of God ". And I've known many people, some Christians infact, who see a God as a punishing scorekeeper, one who bargains with the devil to test us, as in Job.

To me it's a conflict to imagine an indifferent God sitting before a chess board, furrowing his brow and recklessly sacrificing some of us as pawns, in a game of sport for purposes of divine amusement. We are each too precious to be pawns.
And I can't fathom seeing God as a puppeteer, directing every move, leaving us at the mercy of a mastermind's whims. We have freedom to go where we wish, do as we wish think what we wish.

So when I write about "the hand of God" I am referring to a powerful benevolence, a strength, a light and clarity that surpasses all others, a God who wants the very best for me and for all of us and remains involved in our ongoing creation.

Could I cut the rope? Thoughts on Saddam's pending execution...

Those who know me well will know that when conversation turns to politics or war I will very likely sit silently or walk away. Attempts they might make to lure me into the heated discussion will not be successful. It's not that I have no opinion on these things. In fact I do have many thoughts of my own, but I can hardly bear to let myself "go there"... so irretrievably unsettling, so deeply disturbing, so horribly divisive do I find these topics.

Over the years I've found myself unable to sleep if I watch the news before bedtime. I toss and turn things over in my head, what can I do to HELP... to bring peace, healing or goodness to a world where war, poverty, suffering and evil reap victories every day. My personal method of "attack" is to pour my attentions and efforts into small acts of caring and kindness. I don't expect to reverse the tide by flinging a single drop of water over the waves. But I do believe that in my own way, my existence CAN make the world a better place.

An old English saying goes: "For want of a nail, the shoe was lost. For want of the shoe, the horse was lost. For want of the horse, the rider was lost. For want of the rider, the battle was lost. For want of the battle, the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail!"

So yes, I do agree that small things DO matter in life.

Today there is talk of Saddam's execution possibly occurring within days or weeks. The Iraqi court upheld the ruling that sentenced him to death for the crimes he committed against his own people. He is imprisoned in an American military prison and will be turned over to Iraqi authorities just before he is to be hanged.

Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki has said that those who oppose the execution of Saddam are insulting the honor of his slain victims. "Nothing and nobody can abrogate the ruling," al-Maliki said. "Our respect for human rights requires us to execute him, and there will be no review or delay in carrying out the sentence."

And hearing these things I then ask myself.... Dottie, would YOU be able to cut the rope? Would you be able to execute Saddam for his crimes against humanity?

No, I couldn't do it. And dear God, I hope that does not mean that I insult the honor of his victims, or that I respect human rights any less.

I'm ashamed of myself, but I'm being completely honest. It is not my right to take the life of any other person. He needs to suffer the consequences of his atrocities, he needs to be punished. But death is too final, too absolute. What if there is something greater at stake? What if there is a higher "court" that is able to see more completely the depths of this man's heart and innermost motives. Who am I to take what I did not give? LIFE...

There are American authorities, there are Iraqi authorities... but there is also a divine authority. This is His jurisdiction I believe. Until I can see with the same all-encompassing insight and know the ultimate whole story behind Saddam's mentality and personality, I have no right to usurp the divine agenda, which is to bring light to the darkest corners of the human soul. Is it my place to cut that short? To end his life would bring an end to the workings and turnings of his human mind and soul. Perhaps in time, a miniscule pinpoint of light could penetrate the blackness of the darkness inside him. For that reason alone, I would like to see him live.

Would it not honor those he killed, Prime Minister Al-Maliki, if one day Saddam was finally able to grasp the full horrific truth of his deplorable actions and bear that burden as his own? Would this not be the best outcome for all? It's a day that might never come to pass, but then again, it could. If a Higher Authority holds this possible, who am I to say it's not?

"God forgive them, they know not what they've done."

Perhaps this might be applied to both parties... Saddam and those who would seek his execution. I don't know... but these are the thoughts that twist inside me.

Artifacts of an unused life? Questions about my clutter....

Paging through a magazine in a waiting room I stumbled upon an article... "Conquering Clutter", by David Dudley.

Clutter... it seems an endless battle, one I'm genetically programmed to lose. My father is a saver, a hoarder, a stasher, a stockpiler and a packrat. His basement and garage are jam packed to the rafters with boxes and heaps and stacks of STUFF... old stuff, parts of stuff, new unused stuff, you name it. But when something breaks, when something gets lost, he's always able to produce a replacement.

As a little girl I loved to sneak down to his workshop where I'd look, but not touch. He'd taken baby food jars, screwed the lids into the beams and filled each jar with screws, nuts, bolts and itty bitty gizmos of all kinds. At a glance he could look up and see what he needed through the bottom of the glass jar. He had things hanging and stacked everywhere, all very neat, all tools spotless and gleaming, but all so crowded.

(I loved the workshop area, dreamed of one day making things of my own there. Alas, I was a girl and never allowed. The closest I got to a power tool was to use a sewing machine or vacuum cleaner!)

Over the years, Dad's pack-ratting has taken over his house. I look at my house and all the things everywhere and wonder if it's my destiny too. He's 86, I'm 52 ... what will the next 34 years bring?

David Dudley writes... "The rarely used objects cluttering our lives are not really objects at all, but symbols of our plans and untapped potential. They are, as my father said while I hauled off a grill, 'artifacts of an unused life'."

Are all these things that create my clutter "artifacts of an unused life"? I beg to differ... I USE my clutter!

In my office (where I type this) on the desk tops are chargers for camera and phone, calculators, rolodex and a pile of files, active and pending. A stack of coins (because Steve always empties his pockets where he knows I'll find it and keep it!), a wad of Kleenex, two date books, one 2006 and one 2007, docking station for laptop, lamps, extra speakers with woofer for improved sound on this computer, other computer equipment, pictures of my kids, and three bags of fabric samples. And this is the tidy version!

My clutter seems to fall into a few categories.

* Things I'm working on.

* Things of beauty that I enjoy seeing around me.

* Things that are just part of daily life.

Dudley points out that Dante wrote about the "hoarders" and the "wasters", in his classic "Inferno". Both vices were doomed on one level of hell to battle it out. Perhaps it's the extreme, either way, that becomes our undoing.

I have too many projects, too much on my plate at any given time. I'm never bored! But I'm sometimes overwhelmed. If I'm not creating, everything in me feels out of balance. My mind needs to be always wrapped around something or someone. And so I surround myself with always a bit more than I can handle.

What if I were to complete EVERYTHING and be left with...:::gasp:::... NOTHING to do? Ha ha ha, as if that could ever happen. But deep in my psyche, I wonder if that's part of my madness. I do complete things... but always I have several books being read at once, several projects, several agendas. Why?

I'm doomed to this cycle of creating and destroying, as I create, something else (a tidy existence) is being destroyed.

Which brings me to the Designer of our universe... mathematicians, theologians and physicists debate two opposing theories, chaos vs. creation. I say that our world is the misbegotten love child of these two forces. Perhaps opposites do attract.

And perhaps I am made in the image of my Maker.

Wearing my jammies all day, surrounded by beads, baubles and Neil....

The hardest part of the holidays for me would be the shopping. I must be missing the female gene that runs rampant in most women. I don't care for shopping and don't like malls one bit! When I do shop, I prefer smaller stores, the local smaller groceries or health food stores, the smaller boutiques and the mom and pop operations. It does mean I pay a little bit more, but I feel quite good about what I'm getting for my money. You see, it's so much more than a product. It's the personal service, the support of local businesses which make this community what it is, and the belief in free enterprise. Sure, now and then I need the big box stores. But I need the touch stone of the heartland more.

And so... I struggle at Christmas. All year long I pick up things here and there when I see something for someone. More than likely, I will not have been able to wait until Christmas and will have given them the gift ahead of time! Some are silly personal things, things relating to a private joke and warm memoryies. I love giving presents and always feel a tinge of sadness when someone says "you shouldn't have"... but it doesn't stop me.

This Christmas, like last year, I'm making many of my gifts. I'd rather sit home a few hours and make something than face that traffic and long lines at the stores! Besides, it gives me enormous satisfaction.

Most of the females in my life will get jewelry. I have a bead obsession and have quite a collection, many of them vintage beads I've salvaged from old jewelry. I am always on the hunt for something spectacular and rare and unusual. My favorite finds to date are some carved coral beads with the most exquisite patina imaginable, and some crystal beads in unusual shapes and brilliance. I design jewelry around the beads, and seldom search for beads to make a particular design I have in mind.

People suggest I sell my jewelry all the time. I probably could sell it, if I had the time! These are my creations, really each one unique and special. If I made them for money would it change the results? I don't know.

Anyway... the necklace pictured here is one I made for myself. In the event anyone on my list should look at my blog, I don't want them to see their Christmas gift ahead of time! No peeking!
These beads are printed wood. And the focal bead is carved bone. Being a vegetarian I had to get past the "bone" idea... but it's so beautiful!

And so, I wore my jammies all day long and sat cross legged with my boxes of beads surrounding me as my creative juices flowed freely.

I listened to the new Neil Diamond album, since Rhapsody recommended it when I signed on today. Neil Diamond... he was popular when I was young, it had been years since I listened to his music. I was intriqued, what was he up to these days? I sat listening to his lyrics and noticed that he, like many song writers who have been writing songs a lifetime, has changed (and mellowed) over the years. His message these days is about love, enjoying life, and sticking by those you love.... and his faith in God.

Some might say artists like Neil Diamond have lost a creative edge. But see, I've grown up right alongside these artists (I'm thinking of Paul McCartney, Neil Young, Don Henley and others of my era) and I have changed right along with them. Life has lesons to teach us with each year that goes by, and it makes us oddly more humble of heart and prone to introspection... and ever so much more grateful. I'm ready to hear his messages, for the themes echo those of my own heart. And his melodies, as ever, are so pleasing to the ear, easy to be with., the kind that stay with you.

I have a memory of playing Neil Diamond's album, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, (one of the few that Steve didn't seem to mind) and twirling my girls, one at a time, in the living room as they giggled. The song was "Song Bird"....:::smile::::...

It's what I love about music.... the memories they stir....